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Tell Me What You See and How You Feel

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By Martin Schlomer

“Children, honor your parents.” “Wives, submit to your husbands.” “Slaves, obey your earthly masters.” These commands in Ephesians 5 and 6 are some of the most inflammatory commands in the New Testament. Why? It is true that we don’t want anyone telling us what to do, but there is more to it. We all have horror stories of those who were in authority who hurt us deeply, betrayed our trust, used their authority for their own purposes. The stories and the hurt can go on and on.

Most people who are in authority—husbands and parents—do not intend to use their authority to hurt those they love. I know that I did not intend to hurt those I love, but it happened, nonetheless. Where do we go wrong? I could spend pages tackling this question, but I want to draw our attention to one thing: empathy.

What is empathy? Brené Brown, research professor with the Graduate College of Social Work at the University of Houston, wisely points out that empathy connects human beings together. There are four qualities of empathy:

  • Perspective taking, or the ability to take the perspective of another person
  • Staying out of judgment
  • Recognizing the emotions in other people
  • Communicating and validating those emotions

All of these are essential if we are going to be able to right the wrongs and heal the wounds mentioned above. They are also essential if we are going to lead well and be worthy of the honor Paul references in these and other passages. As those entrusted with authority, we must “feel with people.” We must see and feel the world from their perspective if we are to love and lead others well.

Does this surprise us? Shouldn’t we simply be able to “truth people” into honoring and following those in authority? Absolutely not! Jesus, Immanuel, God with us, engaged us in our world, on our turf. “For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are” (Hebrews 4:15). Jesus embodied all four qualities of empathy with those who were openhearted toward Him—and many who weren’t! His leadership was “gentle and humble in heart” (Matthew 11:29).

Parents, do your children find you gentle and humble in heart? Husbands, does your wife find rest and safety for her soul under your leadership? Does she find you to be an empathetic person? When leadership leads without empathy, everyone goes to some very dark places. Take the time to ask your spouse or children to tell you what they see and how they feel.

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DEATH

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By Martin Schlomer

Death. No matter how often we encounter it, we never get used to it. Even when we expect it, when it happens, it feels unexpected.

This morning at 6:30, I received a call from my sister-in-law telling me that my father just passed away. He had been in very poor health for many years, yet he lived to see 89 years old. If you’ve been around Elim for a few years, you know that my father’s relationship with his children was conflicted. For 50 years, these relationships were complicated by his physical and emotional pain and, to some degree, mental illness. He didn’t want to be this way. No one ever does. It just is. There were times when he would be kind, empathetic, and even joyful. Then there were times when that would all change. No one understood why, and I suspect neither did he. 

As I processed our family’s loss, I was able to experience deep gratitude to my father and to my heavenly Father. I know Earl Schlomer wasn’t the man he wanted to be.  I can’t hold this against him. Instead, I can identify. All of us feel this way! However, I rejoice that he is now a new man! He is now the man he aspired to be (1 John 3:1-3)! This never takes away the tears, but it does fill them with hope and meaning.

No one is ever born with the tools necessary to overcome their physical, emotional, and even mental challenges. All of these demons conspire to sabotage our most sincere aspirations of who we long to be. This is why we work together to learn from one another, to equip and encourage one another in these aspirations, and to show grace when we fall short, which will happen daily! This is why it is critically important for us to bear with one another in love (Ephesians 4:2). Don’t lose hope! On some expected but unexpected day, we will be the person we aspire to be! Until then, we choose to give grace, love well, and hold onto hope. God’s grace is GREAT!

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There’s More!

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By Martin Schlomer

Last Sunday, we looked at the first part of Paul’s prayer in Ephesians 1:16-17, where he prays:

I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers. I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, SO THAT you may KNOW Him BETTER. (NIV)

Paul’s point is that there is more!

Do you want more? Any relationship that doesn’t grow over time will stagnate and fade away. The relationship that started with connection and joy will stagnate and fade away. Passion becomes duty. This can happen with our relationship with our Father. This is why Paul says there’s more!

Was Paul’s prayer for these friends answered? Did they ever experience more? Yes, they did! However, as we all know, relationships are fragile! Over time, passion turned to duty. Twenty-five years after Paul wrote this letter, Jesus told the Ephesians the following:

“To the angel of the church in Ephesus write: …. I know your deeds, your hard work and your perseverance. I know that you cannot tolerate wicked men, that you have tested those who claim to be apostles but are not, and have found them false. You have persevered and have endured hardships for my name, and have not grown weary. Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken your first love. Remember the height from which you have fallen! Repent and do the things you did at first.” (Revelation 2:1-5)

How did this happen? We don’t know. We only know that it happened. They lost sight that there was more. How do we pursue more? This question has many layers. I offer the following to help you move forward in this relationship.

First, grab a friend and pray together. Ask our Father to give you a spirit of wisdom and revelation so that you may know Him better. Don’t stop! Keep asking. Our Father is deeply interested in those who are serious about what they want and not simply casual in their approach.

Second, sit down with several people you respect and work through the following questions. These people can be those from your small group, a mentor, or a close friend you’ve known for years. Here are the questions:

  • How has your relationship with God—how you experience Him—changed over the years?
  • What means has He used to grow this relationship?
  • Are there specific experiences you can share and lessons you learned?
  • What advice would you give to those who are early in their journey?

This journey must be a priority! As I said last Sunday, let’s walk this out together!

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What Is Greatness?

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By Martin Schlomer

It’s difficult to identify true greatness in our world today. Some would see it in 21-year-old Jordan Spieth winning the Masters Tournament in 2015. Others would look to Mark Zuckerberg, founder of Facebook, who became a billionaire at the young age of 23. These are great accomplishments, but are either a definition of true greatness?

Jesus was approached by two of His disciples who had a “small” request: “Permit one of us to sit at your right hand and the other at your left in your glory” (Mark 10:37, NET). They wanted to be great. They wanted influence. They wanted power. They wanted recognition. They wanted to matter!

Before we criticize them, let’s be honest: we all want these same things. We may not think we want power or recognition, but we all want our lives to matter. When we look at it in that way, we all want greatness, don’t we?

But what does it take to obtain true greatness? Can anyone be great — even those of us who are just average, or unintelligent, or disabled, or plagued by anxiety? In Mark 10:43, Jesus says, “whoever wants to be great among you must be your servant.” There we have it! The pathway that leads us into true greatness, real influence, and recognition has nothing to do with talents or accomplishments. True greatness is having the heart and practice of a servant.

So that’s it — we just need to serve others openheartedly. Sounds easy, right? Yet it’s not long before we discover how deeply Jesus cuts into our way of being.

Serving others isn’t something we can do just until we reach our goal of having a meaningful life. In fact, true greatness isn’t even something we can attain. Rather, true greatness is revealed by a life bound up in serving others. It never ends — it is a way of being that will extend into eternity.

Serving others is not something we do when we get around to it or can make time for it. It permeates our life. If we are to reflect our Father, it must be as natural as breathing.

Serving others challenges our sense of justice. We can’t do it only when someone serves us first or expresses appreciation for what we do. It’s something we do even when no one serves us in return and our efforts go unrecognized.

We serve because we are children of God. As children of the Kingdom, true greatness is not earned, but revealed, just as Christ’s greatness was revealed through His servanthood.

“But what about my ______________?” We all have a lot of “what abouts.” “What abouts” are detours that move us away from true greatness. True greatness is costly. Jesus made it clear: “For even the Son of Man did not come to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many” (Mark 10:45). We cannot have a truly meaningful life, one marked by true greatness, without expecting to lay down our wants and needs to serve others wholeheartedly, just like Christ did.

Where do you begin? At Elim, we have many opportunities for you to join others in serving wholeheartedly. Many leaders are praying for servants who are eager to invest in the lives of others in the way Jesus describes. We need wholehearted servants for Sunday morning children’s ministries and the Awana ministry. Larry Short is praying for wholehearted leaders who will lead small groups. Kim Schlomer is praying for wholehearted leaders who will serve and disciple women at Elim. You can start — or continue — your life of service here in your own church body.

Every day we must face a choice. Will we spend our lives in pursuit of worldly greatness that will last but a moment? Or will we seek true greatness, a meaningful life of service to others?

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Scary Things!

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By Pastor Martin Schlomer

When I was a young child, I lived in a 100-year-old house that had a large, dark basement with a huge furnace. In the far corner, there was a room where the early homeowners stored coal for the furnace. It was a dark, wet, drafty, and terrifying room with no windows and a large, heavy door. My brothers would dare me to descend the long flight of stairs without a flashlight, through the basement, around the old, noisy furnace, and into the coal room, and stay there as long as I could.

It was terrifying! There were other times when I’d venture into this coal room, but with a flashlight — and while it was still scary, it wasn’t nearly as terrifying. Shining a light made all the difference!

In a few weeks, we will begin shining a light into what most people consider to be a very dark, lonely, and terrifying room. We will begin dealing with the issue of sexual abuse. For many women and men, sexual abuse has been a horrifying part of their lives and they’ve never told anyone. It is a reality they keep hidden behind thick walls of guilt and shame. It has sabotaged their walk with Jesus, their marriages and many other relationships.

On April 21, from 9:30 a.m. to noon, Elim will host our first Hope & Healing seminar, called “Beginning Conversations.” We will take a careful look at the scope of sexual abuse in our culture.

Then on Friday evening, May 4 from 7:00-9:00 p.m. and Saturday, May 5 from 9:00 a.m.-4:00 p.m., Elim will host an “Intensive Workshop” that will help people begin the journey toward hope and healing. Both seminars will be a very interactive time, as trauma and sexual abuse counselors Shonna Porter and Mary Jane Apple guide and facilitate our discovery and healing process.

Why is this so important? Why do we need to go there? Wouldn’t it be better to keep that room closed and locked? Absolutely not! When Jesus started His ministry, He began by walking through 40 days of hell on earth. He confronted the Devil on his turf! Shortly after He emerged victorious, He entered the synagogue in Nazareth on the Sabbath. He stood up and read from Isaiah,

“The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim release to the captives and regaining of sight to the blind, to set free those who are oppressed, to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor.” (Luke 4:18-19,21)

Then He said, “Today this Scripture has been fulfilled in your hearing.” THANK YOU, JESUS! These are words filled with hope! Jesus longs to shine the light of the hope of the Gospel into those dark rooms where we keep the terrifying experiences hidden and locked away. When we do this, we shackle ourselves to the trauma of those experiences, and we become their captives. This is why we’re hosting these seminars and creating pathways following the seminars to help people walk toward freedom.

Is this a scary journey? Yes! But here is the hope: There is freedom for those willing to take this journey!

And there is yet more good news! Because this is so important to nurturing passionate followers of Jesus, last Tuesday evening, the elders committed to making the Intensive Workshop free to Elim attenders and their families! All you need to do is register at ElimEFC.org/Hope and follow the instructions.

In addition, we have generous individuals who are eager to provide scholarships to anyone outside of Elim who cannot afford to pay the advertised cost of the seminar. All they need to do is register at ElimEFC.org/Hope and check the box designated “Request scholarship.”

Please, please, pray for this event! We want the Spirit of our Lord to be powerfully present! We want to see the “release of the captives … and to set free those who are oppressed.”

 

 

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JOURNEY: I Refuse to Go There!

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By Martin Schlomer, Senior Pastor

Two weeks ago, I spoke of the journey Elim is taking over the next few years and the need to chart a course that equips us to be disciples who make disciples among those who are not disciples. In my annual report, I shared how we had no adult I was aware of who had come to know Jesus in 2017. I asked the question, “What might it be like to come to the end of 2018, look back, and celebrate 12 adults who have given their lives to our Lord, have been baptized, and are now in disciple-making relationships?” (Since I wrote my annual report, I learned of a good friend who gave his life to our Lord in December! We will celebrate by baptizing him this Sunday!)

We have done a great job developing disciples among those who are already a part of our community, but we need to be equipped to make disciples among those who are outside our four walls.

As some people have pondered this “course correction,” a few questions and concerns have surfaced that I would like to address.

“Are you going to establish a quota for new Christians each year at Elim?” Absolutely not! This would betray a belief that you or I have the power to convince someone to give his or her life to Jesus. We do not have the power to determine outcomes on behalf of other people. This would be foolishness. Not even Jesus claimed to have this power while on Earth.

“Are you going to restart outreach programs like Freezing Nights, Feeding the Homeless, or Faith in Action?” While these are great compassion outreach ministries, they are beyond the scope of what I’m talking about. I’m not planning on starting any programs. As we take our next steps, if there is support for compassion-based outreach among people ready to lead and serve, we can certainly try to facilitate making that happen. But compassion-based outreach is beyond the scope of where we are going at this point in time.

“Then what is the Journey about?” It is about being disciples who make disciples among those who are not disciples. It’s about loving our Father and His mission. It is about embracing the truth that we are made for His mission. It’s about being equipped to live out this mission through our identity as salt and light among our friends, neighbors, coworkers, or whomever our Father brings our way. It’s about being a part of a community who pray fervently and support one another as we walk out our Father’s mission. It is about understanding how a person develops from a nonbeliever to a maturing disciple. I’m sure we’ll discover a lot more as we take this journey together.

“What’s next?” Last Sunday, we started a three-week preparation process. If you missed the message, please take time to listen. It is that important that we are all on the same page. Last Sunday, I gave everyone some homework. First, prepare your heart by asking our Father to give you a heart for those who are not disciples. Second, do what you can to protect and repair your reputation among all people. We are salt and light. If we ignore this aspect of our identity, we become something our Father never intended us to be (Matthew 5:13b). Third, identify two to three people who do not know Jesus whom you can pray for daily that our Father would prepare their hearts to surrender to the gospel. We must always talk to our Father about our friends before we talk to our friends about our Father.

As we take this journey, we will have opportunities to share the great things our Father will be doing. Jesus promised that as we go on this mission, He will be with us, empowering and leading along the way! To me, this is the most exciting part! See you along the way!

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