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A Life of Forgiveness

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By Kendrick Gilli

On Easter Sunday, Pastor Martin talked about redemption and forgiveness—the perfect sermon for Easter, since these words would not even be in our vocabulary if not for the pain and suffering experienced by our Lord Jesus. As Martin and then Cameron talked about this, I was transported back in time.

God was preparing me for understanding redemption and forgiveness years before I ever came to Him. While I was growing up, I was blessed with the Gilli family, who took me in as one of their own blood. I could tell many stories about my Grandma Gilli, but one that is so vivid in my mind happened when I was about 10. I grew up working the fields by the time I was 9 so that I could afford clothes for school. Being poor is no excuse, but at that age, I was mesmerized by the “large” sums of money that my Grandma Gilli kept in the cigar box from the sales at the fruit stand. Over a period of several weeks, I stole money until I had about $100. This seemed like a fortune to me. It wasn’t until I started to spend the money that she became wise to everything.

My mom wanted to whup my behind, but Grandma Gilli did something crazy. She sat me down and talked to me. In her eyes I saw the pain that I had caused her, not from the loss of money, but from the betrayal. There were consequences, of course, but I remember not exactly what they were, only that betrayal. After this, my Grandma Gilli never spoke of it again. I am sure that everybody watched me carefully for a while, but she never treated me any differently. In that one example, I saw forgiveness, even though I did not know what forgiveness really was until much later in life.

Through the years, I continued to see Grandma Gilli love people and give forgiveness freely. It was these examples that helped mold my own life and my willingness to forgive. When I picture Jesus on that cross, I see those eyes of my Grandma Gilli, filled with sorrow and love, and I feel my heart breaking with all my sins. However, I also remember the redemption. I don’t have to hold on to the guilt and shame, because I am completely and totally forgiven.

On the beach, after the resurrection, Jesus gently reminded Peter of his denial. Jesus did not do this angrily or abrasively; no, He knew that without this conversation, Peter could not become the Rock Jesus intended him to be. Do you need forgiveness for something? How did God work to show you that forgiveness when you needed it most?

Until we are freed from our guilt and shame, we are unable to be fully used by the Lord. Thankfully, we have a God who does not want us stuck in the past, dwelling on our sin. Just as Jesus met Peter where he was and offered him a second chance—no strings attached—He is offering us that as well. Is there some sin or shame that you have been holding on to?

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Reflections on Ephesians 6:4

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By Bill Naron         

            “And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.” – Ephesians 6:4  

            The above Scripture starts with fathers and their relationship with their children. On Sunday, Pastor Martin took us through this Scripture and talked to us about “Navigating the Parent-Hood.” This Scripture made me think about my own parenting style, and Martin’s sermon gave me a road map to process those thoughts.

           “Fathers, provoke not your children to wrath.” This is the portion of Scripture that has brought about the most reflection for me. I feel like it is not merely provoking my children to be rageful themselves, but also causing them pain. Martin shared four points in his sermon with the help of his oldest son and daughter-in-law, Jeremy and Lynda. The four points were to be kind, delight in, honor, and repair.

            Martin’s first point was to “be kind to yourself but deal with your stuff.” Parenting exposes traits of ours that we are do not even realize exist, and we have to deal with them. In a blog post from 2007, “More Thoughts for Fathers on Ephesians 6:4,” John Piper said, “Fathers cause their children’s souls to shrivel into small, hard, angry shells mainly by being like that themselves.”Fathers are the head of the house and the spiritual leaders of the home. I think that the author makes a point of addressing fathers because of their leadership position within the house. It has been said that as fathers go, so goes the house.

I have found the above statement especially true in dealing with my own issues exposed through parenting. Parenthood proved my personal anger issues that I was not even aware of, and I became someone that I did not want to be. In turn, when I give in to that anger, begin to yell about everything, and have unreasonable and unachievable expectations, my family feels a tremendous burden upon them, and they start to feel like they cannot measure up. Not only do my children feel burdened by the expectations I place on them at this moment, but also when I am angry, I do not convey to my children that I delight in them and in who they are. This causes them a great deal of pain.

Delighting in my children is important, so I can show them that they indeed are a blessing from the Lord and not an inconvenience. I love to get to know who my kids are and to take an interest in the things they are doing. This includes spending time with them, learning about their personalities and what kinds of things they enjoy doing. I love spending time with my kids! We play this game where I chase them and tickle them, and they just love it. In those moments, we have so much fun. I would love to see more times of delight taking place.

Martin’s third point was that parents should honor their children’s voice with empathy and understanding. This again is an area of struggle for me that parenting has exposed. I tend to say, “I am the parent and you are the child, so you just need to do what I tell you” or “Your opinion does not matter.” What I have learned over the years, though, is that my children need to be heard. They need to know that their thoughts and feelings are valid. This lesson that I am learning is a stark contrast to the home where I grew up. The concept of listening to my children in this way is foreign to me, and I am learning to listen to their voice and hear their hearts.

The last point Martin shared was that we need to repair wounded relationships. This is probably the hardest point for me. Repairing means I have to go to my children in humility and make myself vulnerable, admitting that I have messed up. I do try to go to them and apologize and let them know that I was wrong when I lash out in anger or yell at them, and before I leave the conversation, I ask for their forgiveness and wait to receive it. I think that this is just a small part of the repairing process.

I have never sat down with them and asked them if I have ever said or done anything that has hurt their heart. The real reason for this is my own pride and shame. My wife recently asked this of our oldest, and she was really honest with my wife, and that has been so good for their relationship. I, however, am dragging my feet. I know there are ways that I have hurt my children’s hearts. It is not going to be an easy conversation to have, and I am afraid to have that conversation for purely selfish reasons. I am fearful of what I may find out and how much it may hurt me to hear what my children have to say. However, I know that it is a conversation that needs to happen.

What I have learned through my times of reflection this week is that I need to sit down and repair with my children. I need to ask for forgiveness, and I need to relieve my children of the hurt that they may be carrying around. I need not be bitter and angry and, in turn, cause my children to be bitter and angry. I need to continue to delight in who my children are, their quirky personalities, and take an interest in their interests. Parenting is really about dying to oneself in order to invest in the lives of the blessings God has given us. Through all my imperfections, I need to remember that my heavenly Father has grace for me, and I need to have mercy for myself. Parenting is a unique process because it is refining me as much as it is shaping my children.

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Turning Over Tables

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By Larry Short

I am very much enjoying being a part of a small but lively community group designed for newish and upcoming group leaders. We rotate and share responsibility for leading Bible studies, sharing and prayer times, and fellowship.

Recently Rebekah McKenzie led our Bible study on the topic of Jesus overturning the tables of the money changers, in the second half of John 2. It was her first time leading, and I was really looking forward to it. (And she did a great job herding us cats!)

I tell leaders, “Success in leading a Bible study is not up to you. It’s up to the Holy Spirit, moving as He desires among the members of your group, in accordance with the gifts He’s given them.” Effective group leaders really should simply be facilitators of this process, more than teachers, per se.

And that takes a lot of the pressure off, doesn’t it?

Working Together in Our Gifting

After studying Ephesians 4, particularly verse 11, I’ve recently come to the same conclusion regarding the Church itself (and Jesus’s own church with a small c, here on the corner of 94th and 128th, Elim Evangelical Free Church). It’s God’s Church—not ours—and we must look to Him to work His plan for it. And He will do so through the effective working together of the gifting He gives to the members of the Body.

We learn the following from Paul in 1 Corinthians 12:

  • There are a variety of gifts and a variety of types of service. We are not all the same. (Thank God for that, right?!)
  • The purpose of those gifts is to build up the Body of Christ. And that means that Body will not be healthy unless those gifts are being used properly! (This is why I think it is so important for us to seek to understand how God has gifted us and experience His freedom in learning to use those gifts well and wisely.)
  • If one member of the Body suffers (and I think from the context this might include those who may not be using their gifts as God intended to serve others and build up the Body), the entire Body suffers.

Then in Ephesians 4:11 and following, Paul shines an even sharper spotlight on the five specific gifts that are super important for the healthy functioning of the Church:

11 And he gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the shepherds and teachers, 12 to equip the saints for the work of ministry, for building up the body of Christ, 13 until we all attain to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God.

And Paul goes on from there to reveal more about what spiritual maturity and church health look like. (It’s definitely worth a read, at least through verse 16! Also, it’s worth noting that some scholars believe the last two [shepherd and teacher] are actually one gift alternately translated “pastor.” And I definitely think these are two distinct skill sets or gifts.)

The Forgotten Ways

But what caught my attention here (for the first time, recently, thanks to “the forgotten ways” and innovative 5Q work of Alan Hirsch and our local EFCA district) is that Paul here focuses specifically on a subset of the myriad of spiritual gifts that exist. Why?

My conclusion is that while the exercise of all gifts is good, right, and healthy, the exercise of these four or five gifts in particular is critically core to the health of a vital, viable, and growing church! They are “pastoral” gifts.

What happens in most of our churches (which derive their paradigm from the Christian church in Europe, which sadly is now practically dead in many places) is that they focus on the last two in what Hirsch calls the 5Q, or APEST, model—shepherding and teaching. They completely ignore the first two—apostle and prophet—and mostly marginalize the third—evangelist.

I said “they,” but you can make that “we” if you want to! Our church is also in this camp.

Hirsch made two other points that spoke to me, which leads to my title about Jesus overturning tables:

  • God has given the Church everything we need for healthy function. Therefore, those gifts already exist in our Body. Our main task will be to find them, encourage them, and release them. A key function of our “professional” pastors will then be to model these gifts to whatever extent possible and to lead our members in the discovery and exercise of these gifts as they already exist within this Body. (Obviously, this has profound implications for the pastoral search upon which we are about to embark!)
  • We need to clearly identify and call out the paradigms (the ways we have always done church—for instance, investing in a pastoral structure that reinforces certain gifts and diminishes others) and be willing to replace those failed paradigms with new, more biblical paradigms.

Which of Our Tables Need to Be Overturned?

This is where turning over tables comes in. In our small group, we have at least three leaders with the gift of prophecy fairly high up there in our profiles (Dave Lingenfelter, Isaac McKenzie, and I). All three of us got very excited during Rebekah’s study as we began to discuss the question, What tables might Jesus turn over in our churches today and in the way we do church?

Actually, I take that back: Isaac and Dave got excited, and I (as an elder) was mostly getting nervous! I think this was because I sensed we were starting to touch on something that God wanted us to do, which would probably not be comfortable in our own Body at this time: carefully identify our existing paradigms, asking Jesus to turn these over and substitute His paradigms for this Body.

This Will Be Uncomfortable

I was warned that even mentioning this possibility might be upsetting for some, particularly those who are more change averse. But I think it’s good to give fair warning. The elders all agree that a time of transition such as this might be just the opportunity God wants us to take a serious look at how we do church, reengineering it to become more effective at achieving Christ’s mission for us.

Also, when you hear the word paradigms here, it might help to think of the phrase ministry structure. Our ministry structure is the way we as elders and a Body hire staff and ask them to run specific ministry endeavors, and it’s the way we involve ourselves in those efforts.

Speaking of uncomfortable . . . if I’m sitting at a table, doing something the way it’s always been done and believing there’s really nothing wrong with that, and then suddenly that table gets turned over by a Guy who is backed up by a whip made of cords, I have a strong feeling it’s not going to be a pleasant experience for me!

But the real question is, Are we (as a church) willing to have our tables overturned for the sake of what God really wants to do in our midst? It will probably stretch us (out of our comfort zone) in many ways. But remember whose Church it is!

And I think the same question can be readily applied to my personal life. What aspect of being a Christian am I a little too comfortable or complacent with? Am I willing to allow Christ to overturn some tables in my own life? What might those tables be, and how does He want me to respond?

Freedom to Serve the Way We Were Made

Realizing and leaning into my own gifting has given me a unique sense of freedom I don’t think I’ve ever fully experienced before. I’ve begun to feel free to speak out more (as I’m doing here . . . and don’t say it, I know some of you are thinking, So he was holding back before? Uh-oh.) in ways that might make my brothers and sisters uncomfortable. I realize I need to do so in love—responsibly, understanding that there can also be a dark side to the way we as fallible humans use any gift God has given us. (Prophets can drive people absolutely nutzoid, I know, and they can also get themselves sawn in half!)

Nevertheless, I challenge and encourage each of us, as members of His Body, to figure out how we fit in and what role we should play. If you don’t yet understand what gifts God has given you and how you should use them, connect with your community group leader or mentor and suggest that they spend some time helping you figure this out. (And please feel free to give me a call or send an email if you can’t figure out who can help you, and I will help get you connected!)

May Jesus overturn whatever tables in our lives and in His Church that are standing in the way of the salt and light He wants us to be as we love people in our community and around the world to Christ!

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