community groups – Gospel Minutes for Everyday Missionaries

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Last week Pastor Steve addressed the issue of cliquishness at Elim. He noted that the 125 interviews he did with Elim friends and members put this problem at the very top of our list of challenges.

He said this news “definitely caught the elders by surprise.” I was one of those who was more than surprised—I would actually say stunned, because this hadn’t been my personal experience with Elim at all. When Darlene and I first visited 25 years ago, we were drawn to this church by friendly, loving people, Pastor Martin among them, who worked hard to make sure we became a valued part of this body.

But as I did my own research after Steve shared, I came, despite my initial skepticism, to agree with his assessment. Many people I talked to reported struggles with getting connected to this church.

I’ve shared with the elders my conviction that cliquishness is actually fairly subjective and has various manifestations. One key manifestation is when we “hang tight” with our group of friends and don’t go out of our way to be open and welcoming to newcomers. Pastor Steve gave some great ideas in his Last Word for how to combat that natural tendency.

I think another manifestation of cliquishness is illustrated by stories from people who are no longer newcomers, but who still struggle to feel connected to this body. And I think there are actually even several different shades of this manifestation.

Firstly, we know some of us struggle to feel like we are connected or accepted by others at Elim. Now, sometimes I think this may be a part of our background baggage as individuals: even when people are seeking to connect with us, we don’t necessarily recognize this because of how we feel about ourselves.

Perhaps we ourselves haven’t necessarily sought to reach out and connect with others. Have we ever invited anyone out for coffee? No. We simply expected such an invitation.

The truth is, Scripture holds us each responsible for doing unto others as we would have them do unto us (Matthew 7:12). We must seek to connect to others before we can complain about not being connected.

This is one reason I’m a champion of community groups (including men’s and women’s groups). If they’re healthy, they are a place where honest connection can grow. We can encourage one another in the faith, and hold each other accountable for spiritual growth. Frankly, until you’re willing to get involved in a community group, I don’t want to hear you complaining about not feeling connected.

But I know that at times it can be a challenge to find a group that is a good “fit” for you, either from the standpoint of schedule (perhaps none meet at a time you are able to meet) or affinity (finding a group where you fit in well because of life-stage issues).

If that’s the case, I’d challenge you to chat with me about how to start a new group just for people like you! We always need new group leaders, and I can help put you on the path to become one.

Secondly, I know that some people struggle to get connected when it comes to understanding their spiritual gifts and figuring out how to use them in ministry here at Elim. As we in the Transition Team are working on what the “preferred future” for Elim looks like, I know this is one of the things we want to work on. Our heart is to help people figure out their spiritual gifts, and we’d love to see everyone get plugged in to a ministry opportunity either here within the body or elsewhere in our community.

In the past, we’ve worked on that through efforts such as the Body Life Assessment, which Brian Sharpe and Cindy Waple helped develop and implement through community groups. And now we are committed to revitalizing this effort to help members of our body learn about and use their spiritual gifts in ministry. So, please stay tuned!

In the meantime, if you feel drawn to become involved using your gifts in vital ministry, I’d encourage you to do what two friends of mine, Jenn Severns and Pat Davidson, have done. They found their hearts burdened for women caught in sex trafficking, and, taking the initiative, have been exploring ways to help. They’ve learned a ton, and it’s been an exciting journey that we as a church are 100 percent supportive of. I look forward to seeing what God will do as these two have taken a risk and stepped out to seek to bless others through their efforts.

And in truth, that really is how we “get connected”—by seeking to serve and bless others, rather than thinking about ourselves and our own problems. Our community group has been studying 1 Peter, and I’ve been blown away by Peter’s encouragement to suffering Christians to focus on doing good, serving and blessing others, in the midst of their own problems:

Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins. Show hospitality to one another without grumbling. As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God’s varied grace . . . therefore let those who suffer according to God’s will entrust their souls to a faithful Creator while doing good. (1 Peter 4:8-10, 19)

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By Brian Sharpe, Senior Associate Pastor

“But exhort one another every day, as long as it is called ‘today,’ that none of you may be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin.” – Hebrews 3:13

Why didn’t I have to take a class before becoming a parent—or even a husband? I took classes to be a leader in the Church, but not as many I probably should have. Obviously, I didn’t take a class on being a son or friend—I could probably use schooling on how to be a better friend. As I sit in on trainings, I keep walking away with the thought, “Why didn’t I know this already?”

A lot of times as a leader, parent, friend, and husband, we do what was modeled to us. The problem is that our models all have flaws. My kids have a flawed model whose growth is stunted by my own insecurity, naivety, and pride. At this point, I am okay with the fact that I am a flawed leader, parent, husband, son, and friend. But I do have a desire to be better.

This week I was in Austin, Texas, for a Leadership Pipeline cohort. This was the second of three cohort classes on creating a leadership pipeline within a church. I love this idea. I love the thought of having trained leaders who are accomplishing the ministry God has given us as a church. Yet the thing that stood out to me the most from this class was not the system and tools we were taught, but something the facilitator said.

Let me set the stage. One of the tools we were working on creating was a one-hour training that we could bring back to our churches. The facilitator created a training and had us work on it days before the class. He then modeled what the training looked like, using a couple of our classmates. The training was on “encouraging the soul of a person.”

During the training, the facilitator made a comment that we as parents need to not encourage our kids to perform, but to encourage them in who they are. I am not sure I heard much else after that. It really made me consider how I encourage my kids as a parent. This also can be as a leader, husband, son, and friend. Encouragement needs to be sincere, specific, and strengths-focused. Here are some excerpts from our homework, written by our facilitator, Mac Lake.

Sincerity: Before speaking words of encouragement, check your motives and make sure you’re doing it to lift up the other individual, not to gain something for yourself. In Proverbs 26:28, Solomon warns us, “a flattering mouth works ruin.” The Hebrew word for ruin comes from a root word meaning, “to push, drive away, or cast down.” Encouragement is always best served with a spirit of sincerity.

Specificity: If you want your words of praise to have more punch, then be specific with your encouragement. Notice the specifics of what people do well and consider how what they did impacted you personally. If you look closely enough, you can find little nuances that made something special. We must look for and praise the specific detail of an individual’s work. That kind of specificity takes encouragement to a very deep and meaningful level. So instead of saying, “Hey, you did a good job,” you can say, “When you led the small-group discussion tonight, you really asked insightful questions that challenged my thinking in new ways. You have a real gift for making people think. I appreciate you using that gift to add value to my spiritual walk.” Specific encouragement is meaningful encouragement.

Strengths-focused: God has gifted each of us in very specific ways. Each day, we use and develop those strengths. Over time, as those strengths develop and mature, they become obvious to others. The Apostle Paul had been around young Timothy so much that he became very familiar with his apprentice’s strengths. And then, in a very crucial time in Timothy’s ministry, Paul told him, “Fan into flame the gifts God has given you.” By centering our encouragement on someone’s strengths, we are, in essence, helping them to fan the flame of their strengths. Giving someone sincere, specific encouragement that’s focused on their unique strengths helps them learn something new about themselves and deepens their wisdom and insights for using that particular strength.

Elim’s community group leaders should be shining stars when it comes to encouraging others. This Saturday evening, therefore, we are going to huddle together and go through the same training module that Mac took us through at the Leadership Pipeline meetings in Texas this week. We encourage every community group leader to attend, 7 p.m. at Larry and Darlene Short’s home. You won’t want to miss it!

Let’s all become expert encouragers, learning how to truly exhort one another “while it is still called ‘today.’”

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Tag: community groups

Clobbering the Clique: Getting Connected