Dust, Ashes, and Joy

By Jason Comerford

Have you ever noticed any patterns to when you experience joy? Does it come after a Sunday-morning service? Or after singing a timely worship song? Maybe it’s after an evening with your community group studying the Bible, or perhaps in praying with a close friend.

Well, after being a Christian for 13 years, I’ve really started to notice one peculiar pattern for when I experience joy: it’s when I discover clearly that I’m wrong about something. Usually, something significant.

The first time I can remember this happening to me was when I got saved. I was reading a book about how God as Father deals with His sons. The picture was of such a loving, good, kind, and faithful parent that, in a moment, it struck me how my view of God had been horribly twisted my entire life. The cruel, overbearing bully in my head gave way to an incredibly patient, good, tender, and loving friend. I literally got to my knees and wept in apology to my Heavenly Father, confessing how wrongly I had been thinking of Him.

And that’s what really struck me: my wrongness about what God is like. And I felt awful about it—all the ways I had resented God, hated Him, delayed in obeying Him. He deserved none of that! In prayer, I apologized and apologized again and again.

I felt so awful.

And yet, I also felt really happy.

Sure, I had discovered how terribly I had lived and behaved. But the sorrow of such behavior only struck me because I discovered how GOOD God is. Guilt and shame had never produced any kind of faith or obedience in me. But discovering how good God is? That did it. Let me tell you, discovering for the first time how wonderful God is? That’s a very happy moment.

But don’t miss this. My first real taste of joy came through a tiny death. A lifetime of religious learning and the accompanying ego were struck down to bring me this newfound happiness.

 In our culture, we feel ashamed to admit we’re wrong. We spend hours on social media trying to prove to others that we are the right ones. We will fight and argue for the right to be right.

But when we recognize we’re wrong about God, He doesn’t shame us. He shows us He is so great that we can’t fully know Him. And He’s so good, even when we thought otherwise, so much better than we can fully understand.

Job spent most of his book defending his righteousness, and he technically was righteous. He never cursed God, even when his children, wealth, and health were torn from him. But even in the midst of his uprightness, the Lord enters into the conversation and shows him that he does not even begin to understand his God. God speaks to him for several chapters, revealing how little Job actually knows. And Job’s response?

I know that you can do all things,
    and that no purpose of yours can be thwarted.
“Who is this that hides counsel without knowledge?”
Therefore I have uttered what I did not understand,
    things too wonderful for me, which I did not know.
“Hear, and I will speak;
    I will question you, and you make it known to me.”
I had heard of you by the hearing of the ear,
    but now my eye sees you;
therefore I despise myself,
    and repent in dust and ashes. (Job 42:1–6)

And God responds by blessing him. He defends Job against his unloving friends. He restores Job’s wealth and family even beyond what he’d originally enjoyed. (Job 42:7–17)

I’m not saying that when you realize you’re wrong, God will give you material riches. But I am saying that God means good for us when He shows us we’re wrong about Him. He means to bring us joy, not shame.

 But we have to recognize we’re wrong before we can find joy in knowing God better.

I challenge you to ask God to expose the ways that you’re wrong about Him. Ask Him how you’ve misrepresented Him and how you’ve misunderstood Him. Be willing to be wrong, that you might find joy in believing what is right.

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