FollowWhat is it that propels us to fix a problem? Problem solving is certainly a practical skill, one taught in school and valued highly in the business environment. So why is it then that this doesn’t carry over into relationships in the same manner? Why don’t our spouses understand that our intentions are to produce good, not harm, and for pain and discomfort to recede and for problems to be made smaller or even resolved? We have only the best of intentions.
Or so we think. Can there be something more to this desire for calm, for peace, for everything to settle into place? The answer might come when the result we desire doesn’t surface quickly. Does this cause more conflict, first within, then with the nearest available person? Having an attitude that demands an immediate “fix” to every difficulty is unhealthy and selfish. The presence of conflict in this world is as ubiquitous as sin. It will be with us as long as the Spirit resides with the flesh. To desire the eradication of conflict is the yearning of every saint. To expect it in this life is the whimsy of a fool—one which will gather much disappointment to his household.
Conflict, however it may feel, is not primarily a “pain” to avoid or a “problem” to fix. Rather, it is a beacon, lit to identify a problem, not to be seen as one. Imagine this: the display on your vehicle’s dashboard catches your attention with an illuminated, bright-red “CHECK ENGINE” light. You have options. One of those is to “fix” the problem of that annoying light … by covering it with black electrical tape. There. Done.
Now, no rational person would employ this tactic thinking, “Success!” as the tape is pressed into place. Some immediate relief would be felt, but the real issue will worsen without attention. What is an obvious automotive illustration provides us an insight into the riddle that can be relationships.
The “CHECK ENGINE” light of conflict does not require a quick fix; it signals that a closer look is in order. It’s a warning that something is wrong. It’s not the enemy to be avoided or covered with a masking solution. Taking advantage of this “early warning system” could mean the difference between repair and catastrophic failure. It is a good gift God has provided to draw you closer to Himself, and to one another.
Living life alongside conflict requires a fortitude that I cannot muster. But for Jesus, I am lost. Yet with Him I can see the reality of its presence in this age and not be overrun. Even so, what could be my undoing has instead drawn me closer to Him through suffering, and promises to be the medium through which I am being conformed to His image.
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Superb insights Jeff. What’s the best way you’ve discovered to discern the right time to enter the fray when conflict is emerging?
They don’t call them “idiot lights” for nothing!