FollowBy Larry Short
Last week Pastor Steve addressed the issue of cliquishness at Elim. He noted that the 125 interviews he did with Elim friends and members put this problem at the very top of our list of challenges.
He said this news “definitely caught the elders by surprise.” I was one of those who was more than surprised—I would actually say stunned, because this hadn’t been my personal experience with Elim at all. When Darlene and I first visited 25 years ago, we were drawn to this church by friendly, loving people, Pastor Martin among them, who worked hard to make sure we became a valued part of this body.
But as I did my own research after Steve shared, I came, despite my initial skepticism, to agree with his assessment. Many people I talked to reported struggles with getting connected to this church.
I’ve shared with the elders my conviction that cliquishness is actually fairly subjective and has various manifestations. One key manifestation is when we “hang tight” with our group of friends and don’t go out of our way to be open and welcoming to newcomers. Pastor Steve gave some great ideas in his Last Word for how to combat that natural tendency.
I think another manifestation of cliquishness is illustrated by stories from people who are no longer newcomers, but who still struggle to feel connected to this body. And I think there are actually even several different shades of this manifestation.
Firstly, we know some of us struggle to feel like we are connected or accepted by others at Elim. Now, sometimes I think this may be a part of our background baggage as individuals: even when people are seeking to connect with us, we don’t necessarily recognize this because of how we feel about ourselves.
Perhaps we ourselves haven’t necessarily sought to reach out and connect with others. Have we ever invited anyone out for coffee? No. We simply expected such an invitation.
The truth is, Scripture holds us each responsible for doing unto others as we would have them do unto us (Matthew 7:12). We must seek to connect to others before we can complain about not being connected.
This is one reason I’m a champion of community groups (including men’s and women’s groups). If they’re healthy, they are a place where honest connection can grow. We can encourage one another in the faith, and hold each other accountable for spiritual growth. Frankly, until you’re willing to get involved in a community group, I don’t want to hear you complaining about not feeling connected.
But I know that at times it can be a challenge to find a group that is a good “fit” for you, either from the standpoint of schedule (perhaps none meet at a time you are able to meet) or affinity (finding a group where you fit in well because of life-stage issues).
If that’s the case, I’d challenge you to chat with me about how to start a new group just for people like you! We always need new group leaders, and I can help put you on the path to become one.
Secondly, I know that some people struggle to get connected when it comes to understanding their spiritual gifts and figuring out how to use them in ministry here at Elim. As we in the Transition Team are working on what the “preferred future” for Elim looks like, I know this is one of the things we want to work on. Our heart is to help people figure out their spiritual gifts, and we’d love to see everyone get plugged in to a ministry opportunity either here within the body or elsewhere in our community.
In the past, we’ve worked on that through efforts such as the Body Life Assessment, which Brian Sharpe and Cindy Waple helped develop and implement through community groups. And now we are committed to revitalizing this effort to help members of our body learn about and use their spiritual gifts in ministry. So, please stay tuned!
In the meantime, if you feel drawn to become involved using your gifts in vital ministry, I’d encourage you to do what two friends of mine, Jenn Severns and Pat Davidson, have done. They found their hearts burdened for women caught in sex trafficking, and, taking the initiative, have been exploring ways to help. They’ve learned a ton, and it’s been an exciting journey that we as a church are 100 percent supportive of. I look forward to seeing what God will do as these two have taken a risk and stepped out to seek to bless others through their efforts.
And in truth, that really is how we “get connected”—by seeking to serve and bless others, rather than thinking about ourselves and our own problems. Our community group has been studying 1 Peter, and I’ve been blown away by Peter’s encouragement to suffering Christians to focus on doing good, serving and blessing others, in the midst of their own problems:
Views – 347Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins. Show hospitality to one another without grumbling. As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God’s varied grace . . . therefore let those who suffer according to God’s will entrust their souls to a faithful Creator while doing good. (1 Peter 4:8-10, 19)