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by Jeff Foerster
Cherish your spouse, read the Bible, pray before meals, pick up the socks, vacuum the house, mow the lawn, pay the bills, and cook the dinner—check, check, check. Does cherishing your spouse sound like another task to accomplish? Does the idea grab your attention today, but get lost in the busyness of life? You may pay special attention to your spouse and find just the right gift or the right words written on the perfect card, or plan time spent together, or complete tasks, each kindness crafted according to their love language. These generosities may blossom from a desire for good.
You’ve engaged in those activities, you’ve understood that “loving” means more than words, that it is followed up by actions, and still something feels like it’s missing. Doing these things does not complete your relationship or satisfy your desire for connection. If this description rings true, questions must be asked, questions that must be answered.
Are both I and my spouse engaged in the desire to cherish each other?
Do I know my husband’s/wife’s “love language”?
What action will I take this week to communicate love to my spouse?
The list of questions could be longer, and you may be able to affirmatively answer each, but still, something is lacking. Maybe that something is depth of relationship . . . but not with your spouse.
Walk with me on a theological path for a moment. When God made man, man was made in the image of God; he is a reflection of the Creator. When God created us male and female, He made us different, equal in worth and honor to one another. This created relationship, an intimacy of fellowship that is a reflection of the fellowship that God has in the Trinity of Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Among mankind, nowhere is this intimacy greater than in the marriage relationship, a reflection of the coming marriage between the Lamb, Jesus Christ, and His Church, the body of believers made holy by Him.
Our earthly relationships are to reflect heavenly ones. Earthly relationships are images of heavenly relationships, shadows, not the substance themselves. As such, marital relationships were never meant to take the place of relationship with our Father in Heaven. Our spouse cannot satisfy our deepest longings. As Martin stated on Sunday, we are to pursue growing deeply in understanding who I am and Whose I am. This perspective forms a framework for my soul, a passion for life, growing in my true identity.
The Scriptures tell us that out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks. So, too, out of the overflow of the individual’s relationship with God, the spouse is blessed, the spouse is cherished. Trusting God’s love and embracing Him fixes our eyes on Jesus and builds us to be people who carry God’s love to others. The love brought to us and placed upon us through Jesus is a cup that when shared does not grow empty.
David’s exaltation of God in Psalm 19 fits well here. In it he proclaims relationship with the LORD as life-giving, restoring the soul. David also acknowledges he has “hidden faults.” Bringing these to light is the work of God, accomplished in relationship with Him. Ask God to show you your “hidden faults” as they pertain to relationship with others, most notably your spouse.
Developing this relationship with God is essential to cherishing your spouse. Attempting to love your spouse well on your own will exhaust you—but our Lord Jesus, by His power and might and fellowship, will strengthen you. Draw near to God, my dearly beloved, and He will draw near to you.
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