Tag: armor

By Jean Mooney

In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace that he lavished on us. (Ephesians 1:7-8a, NIV)

I remember so clearly a time in my life when I thought that nothing from my past would ever impact my future. I remember thinking that if I could forget my past and try to calculate or somehow plan my future, then things would be okay, or at least better than they had been from my childhood. If I could just land that perfect job, or have the right opportunity for school, have the perfect car, or meet the perfect girl, etc., then everything would be all right, and my past would be forgotten.

Well, I succeeded with at least one item on my list—I met the perfect girl. And to this day I would not change that for anything!

For a while, I thought everything was going great. I had control over my job, I was excelling in what I did, I met the perfect girl (Geneva), we were starting a life together, and I thought I was forgetting my past. (And most of my friends here at Elim know that I had a very dark past.) Now, everything seemed perfect . . . at least for a little while.

Geneva and I moved in together and started a life. But our pre-marriage “honeymoon” did not last long. Shortly after we moved in together, things got a little bumpy. We conceived a child.

At first, I was extremely excited. This was a new opportunity for me to start a new family and move on from my past. But then the conversation began. I had thought I was happy about the pregnancy, but it soon dawned on me how it would impact our lives. And I was scared. On the one hand, I had no idea of the ramifications of having another child; and on the other, I knew that she did not want to go through with the pregnancy.

We were both trying to save face. I did not want to lose her by pushing to have a child, and at the same time I did not want her to have to face her parents and tell them that she was pregnant out of wedlock. So, I chose to conform. I gave up the fight, and we had an abortion.

There are so many times we find ourselves in a position of not being able to explain where we are at in life or what we are feeling. This easily puts us in a place of compromise: What should I choose? What should I say? What decision should I make? Will I conform, or will I fight? And if we do choose to persevere and fight, how long will we last? How much fight do we have in us? What are our chances of survival? And what are we fighting for?

We so often tend to forget that this is not only “our” fight. We have the greatest Warrior of all time, right there with us. And the fight begins with our choices: “Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes” (Ephesians 6:10-11). Paul tells us not simply to be strong, but to “be strong in the Lord.” We don’t put on our OWN armor; Scripture tells us to put on GOD’S armor.

I don’t know about you, but I do not picture God as a very small guy! Yes, I am made in His likeness, but I personally think He is a lot bigger than me. So that makes for a LOT of armor. But God tells us that it’s okay for us to wear it. How empowering! Nothing is too big a fight for God, so if I just accept His will and choose to wear His armor, then nothing can be too big a fight for me.

I look back to 2003 and I do wish that I had never made the decision to conform. For a while I lived in regret and for the most part tried to forget. Then in 2007, after we were finally married, we did try to conceive, but then we had a miscarriage. I thought, Am I being punished? Maybe my sin had caught up to me! The fear and doubt started to take over: How big of a mistake did I make? Will I forever be punished by God for what I did?

But shortly after this, we had Talyana, which was one of the most joyous moments of my life. God’s grace was lavished on me.

I only recently looked for redemption and forgiveness for the choice that I had made in 2003. In our moments of weakness, He is made strong: “But he said to me, my grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” (2 Corinthians 12:9a).

For me, there is no greater story of redemption. My weakness gave way to death. But I can still be redeemed and blessed, and His power can still be made perfect. I have a God who loves me even though I turned my back on Him. I gave up the fight, and Jesus picked it right back up for me and continued to fight for me. He wants to save even me.

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