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Recovering Grump

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By Brian Sharpe

I can be grumpy. It is frustrating for me to admit that. I don’t want to be, but it comes so easily. This summer, when I was with students and leaders at a four-day Christian music festival where we were tent camping in 100 degree weather, I took off for the morning to go shopping. A couple of the students wanted to go with me, but I said no. I just needed some time alone. When I returned after a couple hours, I was refreshed. I started unloading the groceries from the truck, and one of my leaders said, “You needed to go by yourself, you were grumpy.” I was okay with that statement because I know that about myself.

The problem is that I can be grumpy with my family way too much. They are hard to get away from when I am tired and feeling the need to get away. When I am on a trip with students, men, or ministry leaders, I can keep the perspective that this time will come to an end. I need to love well. I need to push through, even if I am tired. I know I can go home at the end of the trip and just get my downtime. The problem is that when I go home, my family is there. They weren’t on the trip. They were home without me. When I come home, they want my time. I also want my time, and that leads to grumpiness.

I had an epiphany this last vacation. The reason I get grumpy is because I get selfish and don’t keep the perspective of loving others to Christ. I know I need to do that as a pastor to others, but when I come home I am still required by love to point my family to Jesus, not away because of my grumpiness. My perspective had to change. I had to go from focusing on what I need to focusing on how to love my family well. How do I not keep a record of wrongs or be easily irritated? My perspective needed to be much less about what I need, and much more about what my family needs in order for me to be the husband and father that leads his family toward Jesus.

I am constantly convicted by my selfishness. God is teaching me over and over again that loving others includes my family, and that loving others is a constant choice of living out 1 Corinthians 13. I need to be patient and kind always, not just when I am refreshed or in a good place, but also when things aren’t going my way. The only way I can do that is when I am focusing on Jesus and the love He has for me. That is what can get me through. That is what can help me love my family and others well. The hard part is being self-aware enough to realize when you are not loving well. That is why we need others, such as my youth leader, who say, “You needed to get away, you were grumpy.”

The other part of the epiphany that I got was that, a lot of time, our families get the shaft. Our families are whom we let our guard down with, and we treat them differently than anyone else because of that. Which brings me back to keeping the perspective that my family deserves me staying focused on loving God and others well. They don’t deserve the shaft; they deserve our best, just like anyone else. We need to allow God to help us love Him and others well. We need Him to help us recover from our grumpiness. Well, I need Him to help me recover from it … because I am probably the only one who struggles with this!

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Where’s the Speaker?

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By Brian Sharpe

I am the son of a pastor. My dad had a church of 50 to 100 people until I was 16. I remember one Sunday morning when I was younger, when on the way to church my parents told me that they were having the speaker over for lunch after church. I remember thinking that was odd. When we arrived at church I went directly to the sound speakers that were set up in the sanctuary and I started trying to open them. I thought to myself, “There is no way a person can fit in this speaker. How does this all work?” Well, I went to Sunday school and then to church. I saw who was speaking. It wasn’t my dad, it was someone else. Then when I got home and sat at the dinner table the guy who was speaking was sitting at my table.

That is when it hit me. The speaker my parents were talking about wasn’t the sound speaker, but the preacher who was bringing the message.

I was thinking about that story a couple weeks ago when Martin and I were talking about the lost art of hospitality. My parents seemed to always have people over for meals. I also had a friend named Chad, and I would go over to his house all the time. I would not call and texting didn’t exist, so they had no clue I was coming, but I was always there. He would do the same with me. We knew everything about each other. We knew the good and the bad because we were with each other all the time. His parents were hospitable to me.

Hospitality is defined as the friendly and generous reception and entertainment of guests, visitors, or strangers. When I think of hospitality in our culture, it takes an intentional decision to have people over. It is not part of who we are as a culture anymore. The quick drop-in is seen as rude by some people. The last-minute call to come over is met with, “I am just too tired,” or, “I have other things planned.” The intentional set-a-date-and-time is met with full calendars and months between visits. We need to change our schedules to leave room for others. I would suggest that we need to make room for others and be the first to invite others over for dinner, coffee, games, or just a time to sit and chat on the deck.

Loneliness is all over our culture. It is all over our church. Loneliness is tied to health failure, whereas companionship leads to longer lives. We were created by God for others. Who are those others outside of your family that you are meeting with outside of a church program? This last week I was tired and my sleep schedule was all out of whack because of the day of prayer and some meetings the next day. I was tired and not really wanting to do anything in the evening because I wanted to go to bed, but we had scheduled a time with some friends. I didn’t want to reschedule because we had not gotten time as a couple with each other in a long time. So I pushed through — and it was awesome! It was so life giving. We had a great time. I needed that time. We all need time.

Who are you making time for in your home? Who are you getting nachos with late at night just to talk life? Who are you having over to play games? Who is as lonely as you and is just waiting for some time with someone else? We need to rediscover the lost are of hospitality … which, in all reality, is the lost art of being friends and being friendly.

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Perspective and Bedtime

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By Brian Sharpe

Why is it so easy to lose something that is so important? Why is it so easy to focus on what doesn’t matter versus what does? Why is it so easy for us to get distracted from the mission God has called us to live? I know I forget way too quickly that I am here for a purpose, and that purpose is not my pleasure.

Since I became a father it has been my job at night to put my kids to bed. The more kids I’ve had, the less fun I’ve had putting them to bed. The original thought was that Tomina was with them all day, so this was a chance that I had with my kids that I could make special. I sometimes read them a story from The Jesus Storybook Bible and then pray with them. It always amazes me how much time they want to spend with me when they want to stay up longer. While this has a little to do with me, it has more to do with the fact that they don’t feel ready for bed. Almost every night I will go back into their rooms and check on them before I go to bed. When I check on Joel, he sometimes will wake up enough to give me a hug and a kiss and tell me he loves me. Then he will drift back off into sleep land.

It is at those moments that I feel my perspective being challenged. It is at those moments that I remember the way God feels about me, because I know what I am feeling about my son. It doesn’t matter what happened that day. He could have been the biggest pill, but, at that moment, I am overcome with how much I love that boy. Then my thoughts go to, God loves me so much more than this.

As we go through life, we have these moments where our perspective is challenged and even changed. God uses our experiences to remind us of His love for us. He also reminds us that He is here. It is when I remember that God is with us and that He has called us that I remember I am here for a reason. My reason is to be His witness to everyone I know. It is a perspective thing. We cannot forget what we are called to do. We cannot forget how much God loves us, and remembering that should compel us to share Christ with those around us.

Think about what matters to you, what you focus on most. Does it have eternal value? Is it helping you accomplish the missions God has you on while you’re here on this earth? We are not guaranteed tomorrow. That statement is not to guilt or shame anyone, but to put life into perspective. Life is short. God loves us and has called us to Himself. Because of this, we need to live on mission, sharing His love with those we come into contact with. It is a perspective thing, and perspective is a funny thing.

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The Important “L”

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By Brian Sharpe

This past weekend we went on a senior high retreat to the Parsons’ cabin. The Parsons’ cabin has become a yearly staple in our student ministry calendar. It is a small, simple cabin that God has used over the past thirteen years to do some great work in me and the students that have attended those retreats. This past weekend was no exception — God was at work. He prepared a lesson in me that was just right for the group we had going. Our topic of conversation was legalism, licentiousness, and liberty.

As someone who grew up in the church, legalism is a pitfall I can fall into. Legalism is where we create rules that God doesn’t hold us to and we expect others to adhere to those rules. If others don’t hold to those rules, then we judge them. That’s what the Pharisees did in Scripture. They would create laws that they expected everyone to follow, and if someone didn’t follow them, they were less spiritual than they should be.

Licentiousness is where we create a moral law for ourselves apart from God, and we live by it. There is no expectation of others except, as long as they allow us to live as we want. This is a huge problem in our culture today. We become god and set our own standards. As believers, we have to pay careful attention to make sure this doesn’t sink into our way of life. It is easy to fall into, but we have to fight the urge to be king over our life.

Legalism and licentiousness are two ends to the spectrum, and both lead to bondage. Legalism sets up rules for everyone, licentiousness sets up rules for self and no one else. Legalism says it is a sin to listen to certain types of music. Licentiousness says I can listen to whatever I want, because I want to. Legalism says it is a sin to date. Licentiousness says that I can date whomever I want, when I want. Legalism says that everyone should only eat certain foods. Licentiousness says I can eat whatever I want, it doesn’t hurt anyone else.

Then there is liberty. Liberty is freedom. We understand that because of the country we live in. Yet how I define liberty as a believer is understanding the freedom we have in Christ, but living out of love and not our rights. Liberty filters every decision through a screen of, “How will what I am doing bring glory and honor to Christ?” Its focus is on loving God and loving others. Its focus in not on rules or rights. When legalism says it is a sin to listen to certain music and licentiousness says I can listen to whatever I want, it doesn’t affect me. Liberty says, “How does this music bring glory and honor to Christ?”

This is the conversation we had last weekend with high school students. It was a fun conversation, but also led to some great dialogue and self-reflection. How am I living? Am I living in liberty, where I seek to live out of love, or am I being legalistic or licentious? The hard thing about this question is that it is not a one-time thought, but it’s a constant evaluation of every decision. As a passionate follower of Christ, I need to seek to live out of liberty. I need to seek to live out of love, asking the question, “How is what I am doing bringing glory and honor to Jesus?” It’s what our students were challenged with last weekend, and it’s what I am challenged with every day.

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Being an Effectual Doer

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By Brian Sharpe

The first weekend of this month was our annual men’s retreat. We have been doing this version of our men’s retreat for the past 12 years, and it is one of my favorite event to participate with. I believe this year’s men’s retreat was one of the best we’ve had.

The reason I believe this year was one of the best is because of how I was challenged. I always love seeing the guys talk, laugh, and play games together. I always love hearing a room full of guys singing praises to our Maker. I usually enjoy the speakers. This year I learned from and was challenged by each of the sessions, especially the first, when Mike Verdonk spoke against passivity. He talked about how, for guys, passivity comes naturally because it is a product of the Fall. Adam modeled it and we all learned it.

I came from the retreat and was really challenged by the areas of passivity I saw in my life. The first morning I was back home we had to get the older kids up for school. My wife is great about getting up with them. No one in our house is a morning person (except for maybe Joel), so mornings can be stressful. Well, that Monday seemed to be a particularly stressful morning. I laid in bed and was listening to the morning unfold when suddenly I realized—I could help the situation. This was a good idea, in theory, until I started to act on my plan. The problem was I should have engaged a lot sooner, and it would have helped everyone involved, even myself. I waited too long and my stress level and the rest of the stress level in the house was too high. I reacted poorly and had a mess to clean up. This all started because of my selfish reaction to the morning. It really stinks (and is nice) when you get challenged and have to act on what you were challenged on. I needed to apologize to my wife and my kids, and I also realized I have to be more engaged in the mornings.  

How often do we hear a message and think “this is something I needed to hear” and do nothing with the information given? James 1:22-23 tell us to not be just a hearer of the Word, but an effectual doer. We live in a country where we are able to hear as many messages as we want each day from as many different speaks as we like. We are not lacking on teaching; where we can lack is in the execution of what God is teaching us through these individuals and messages. I don’t know how many times I have gone to the men’s retreat, church, or any other event and heard a great message and have done nothing with the information that was given, that I had needed to hear and implement in my life. I need to be an effectual doer!   

One practice that helps me is, when we are done hearing a message, we ask “What is one takeaway I want to implement?”  See, I think we sometimes get bogged down with all the changes we want to make, then we don’t make any of them because we can get overwhelmed. This practice of taking away one thing is helpful because then I can focus my time and energy on one area verses many. At this point I am focused on asking the question, “Where am I passive when I should be engaged?” This is a result of what God is doing in me based on what I learned at the men’s retreat. If you were to ask yourself the question, “What is one thing God is teaching me?” what would you say? 

Whenever we hear a message we need to ask “What is one thing God is trying to teach me?” We need to seek to be effectual doers, not just hears. God is always working in us; the question is, “Are we willing to act on what He is teaching us to do?”

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What Do I Value?

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By Brian Sharpe

I was sitting in a coffee shop talking with a mentor of mine about how I was doing with taking personal retreat days.  A personal retreat day is a day of planning for the month ahead and spending some focused time with God.  This is a once-a-month, planned day.  He and I talked about how I had not had a personal retreat day in a while.

My mentor looked at me and said, “Well, I don’t think you believe in them.”

I got really defensive.  I tried to explain how I believed in them and had used them in the past.

Then he looked at me again and said, “You don’t believe in them because, if you did, then you would make time for them.”

This exchange happened several years ago, and it was brought to my memory this past weekend.  I was at a Pacific Northwest Leadership conference for the EFCA, and at this conference a speaker talked about how belief and value are tied to actions.  I know this doesn’t sound spiritual, but it does have spiritual implications.  He said that when we believe something and value it, it will be part of our actions.  I see this applying in just about every area of our lives.  If we believe we need to diet but don’t value it, most likely we will try and diet but it will not last.

This made me think of my time with God.  I love spending time with God.  There are times when I read my Bible and it seems I have drunk a refreshing drink.  There are time I walk away saying, “I’m not sure I learned anything new, but I spent some time with God.” There are times in prayer I sense a connection with God and times when I don’t sense anything.  How do belief, value, and action come into play here? Most of us would say we want to spend time with God every day.  We believe prayer is important.  We believe sharing our faith is important, but is this something we value? We may believe it, but until we value it, will it be part of our life? Why do I not run to prayer at times of need and in times of plenty?  Why don’t I spend time with God?  I am convicted by this, and challenged with it, but again, both of those feelings may not lead to lasting action.

What do my actions communicate that I value? This is probably a question I don’t want to ask because I may not like the answer.  These are questions I am pondering now, and will be for a while as I consider how to seek God first and give Him the place of prominence in my life.

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